BROWNIE-COW POPSICLES

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 SHUT UP, SHUP UP, SHUP UP

Let’s play a game, shall we?

Let’s see how much of my babbling you can withstand before you say “shut up, shut up, shut up!” and burst into the kitchen to make yourself one of these milk and any-brownie, or as I call it, brownie-cow popsicles?

Right, so you see here’s the thing.  I kinda love Earth.  Maybe not enough to tie myself to a tree per se, but I do love Earth enough that I have more bicycles than mascaras, and I haven’t had myself an ungodly orgasmic piece of toro, for like more than three years now.  And believe me, I do love my ungodly toro.  But there’s something else I love dearly as well…  In the light of summer-days when reality strikes, I realized that I do also hold high regards for… a dry butt crack.  Yes, yes they do come loose-fit, oversized, or wet, and I daresay, more frequently so, since a few years ago when we decided to live in this particular apartment-complex in Beijing.  Little did I know that Earth and my butt crack were set on a collision course.

You still there?

Right, so where was I?  Yes, dry butt crack.

You see here’s the thing, as mentioned before, the apartment-complex we live in is supposed to be really “green”.  Whatever that means…  There’s no heater in the winter, or air-conditioning in the summer because the temperature inside the entire 10 ginormous buildings are monitored by… well, a “greener” system of some sort.  Or at least as I was told, at a time before I learnt my lesson about China, and still believed what I was told.  Awww…  So we moved in, with good-will kicking and feel-good blazing, we, were gonna save earth, one lease at a time.

Then came the lesson.  Never.  Never.  And I mean neeeevah, believe what you are told in China!  Four excruciatingly warm summers later, we are looking more medium-rare than “green”, still melting inside our boxer-briefs, extra-large-holes tank tops, and our butt cracks… feeling wet my friend.  Feeling wet.

Heh… hello?  Right, there you are.

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So why haven’t we moved you ask?  If you were still here to ask questions…  Well that’s a very kindly irresponsible thought for you to have I mean, what kind of earthlings are we if we were to bail on our promises just because we feel like we were brushed with meat-glue every time we hug?

Icecap-Jack, you melt.  I melt.

So perhaps you should know that… hey, you there?  I’m talking to you!  Right, so you should know that heat tends to do things to weak minds… the other day when I literally risked my sanity and as a result, Jason’s well-being, by boiling a huge pot of stock for 4 hours which turned our lukewarm bitchy beachy apartment into a steaming mind-bending crater of active volcano, I think I hallucinated a lil’bit.

I drifted to the nearest Cold Stone joint, took off my boxer-brief and sat my steamy butt-crack right on top of their sub-zero slab of freezing stainless steels…  Tssss~ aaahhh… like a steak on grill, now this is where my cheeks belong…  And then, only then, somebody came and handed me my go-to combo – sweet cream base with mashed brownies.

That’s it.  Nothing.  Else.  This is a purist’s Cold Stone and how it should be.  I peaked through my fingers to see the next guy ordering something as if the local candy store is unleashing a fuck-fest on top of his ice cream-cup, and got really, really bothered.  Get a room!  This is a family joint!  So I turned away and literally, with my ass chilling, I was about to dig into my…

… then I drifted right back to reality.  Pot.  Boiling.  Hot.  STEAM.  VOLCAAAANO!  See I have to take matters into my own hands…

Take a good brownie.  And I mean a good brownie, the dense… chewy, fudgy and chocolate-y brownie, and in this case, infused with Nutella.  Then break it into large chunks.  Force feed them to your popsicle molds, and if you don’t have any, some freaking paper cups!  Jam a stick in there, I don’t know, a chopstick for all I care, then pour milk that’s been thickened with sweetened condensed milk…  Up up up up, up riiiight there when it just fills the mold.  Then you freeze the bejeezus out of them!

Chewy gets chewier…  Fudgy gets fudgier…  Then we both get one and sit our asses down on a sub-zero freezer slab, and I’ll tell you about the other time when I…

Hello?….  You there?

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Makes:  10 popsicles

You don’t have to make your own brownie.  You can certainly use a store-bought brownie, with flavours to your likings to make these popsicles.  And if you want creaminess, you can substitute whole milk with half and half.  Note that 3/4 cup of sweetened condensed milk is enough sweetness for my taste, but if you like a closer-to-commercial-level sweetness for your popsicles, use more.

Ingredients:

  • Nutella brownie:  adapted from Smitten Kitchen’s favourite brownies
    • 2 oz (60 grams) of bittersweet chocolate
    • 1 stick (115 grams) of unsalted butter
    • 1.5 oz (45 grams) of nutella
    • 1/2 cup + 3 tbsp (163 grams) of granulated sugar
    • 2 large eggs
    • 1 tsp of vanilla extract
    • 1/2 tsp of flaky sea salt
    • 2/3 cup (120 grams) of all-purpose flour
  • To make the popsicles:
    • 1 1/2 cup of whole milk
    • 3/4 cup (230 grams) ~ 1 cup (306 grams) of sweetened condensed milk

To make the nutella brownie:  Preheat the oven on 350ºF/175ºC.

In a microwave-proof bowl, add the bittersweet chocolate and unsalted butter.  Microwave on high at a 30-seconds interval, stirring the mixture in between, until just melted (you’ll need approx 1:30 ~ 2 min).  Whisk in the granulated sugar and large eggs until thick and even, then add the vanilla extract and sea salt.  Whisk again until even. Add the all-purpose flour, fold the mixture together with a spatula until there is no flour-lumps left.  Pour the batter into a parchment-lined, 8″ square-pan or round-pan.  Bake in the oven for 25 min, until a wooden skewer comes out with moist crumbs from the center.

Let the brownie cool for 30 min.

To make the brownie popsicles:  Break the brownies up into large chunks (you’ll need about 2/3 of the brownies).  Lay a couple of pieces at the bottom of the popsicle-mold so the wooden stick has something to rest on, then insert the wooden stick.  Fill the empty space loosely with more brownies until they reach to the top.  Repeat with the rest.

Combine whole milk and sweetened condensed milk together, and warm in the microwave just enough for the sweetened condensed milk to dissolve (if not fully dissolved, the sweetened condensed milk will float to the surface during freezing).  Whisk the mixture together to make sure it’s fully incorporated, then pour the milk into the popsicle-molds until it fills to the top.

Freeze for at least 6 hours to overnight until hardened (in my experience, the popsicles always feel a bit soft right after they are removed from the molds, so once hardened, keep them removed and wrapped in plastic-wrap instead of inside the molds).

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29 Comments

  • I thought this was a take on the japanese moomoo cheese cake; but I found out it is even better!
    Even though your insanely good brownies are what make this recipe worth saving into the “Must eat then eat again” archives; I can not help be drift off and imagine what else you can mash into this ice pop. Caramel slices? Mochi? Donuts?
    Also where did you get pop maker pan? it is so cool!

  • Oh….such good stories! Reminds me of the many years we lived in the Former Soviet Union…oh. the stories! And I THOUGHT….only the Russians….but now I see it is the Chinese too! Really funny story!

  • HAHAHA Mandy you’re hysterical. That said, the idea of living in Beijing in the summer with AC kind of makes me want to cry / panic / throw up. (On the bright side, at least it’s a little less humid than down south..?) Making brownie cow popsicles is a way more rational reaction than my cry-barfing, I gotta say. These look awesome.

  • for all of us die hard pop mold fans, would you maybe transcribe the chinese phrasing for these pop molds? who knows, maybe we can try and find ’em online? or “meyo”? :)

  • AHAHAHHA. Only here would I read about butt cracks and popsicles (WITH FREAKIN BROWNIES) in one post!! Which, is why I love your blog. AHAH. I`m so down to make these! Sounds incredible!!

  • I discovered your blog a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been dying a bit inside each time I read the recipes. They all look SO delicious! I already have a few favourites that I’m trying out soon, I hope they come out as great as yours :)

  • I am in love with this post, mostly because it makes me feel as if I’m not the only one judging the crap out of evurrbody’s blasphemous Cold Stone ‘creations.’ (Ahem: ABOMINATIONS.) Side note: I actually worked at Cold Stone for a hot (cold?) minute. Thass right, my ass holla’d for a dolla. No shame, baby.

  • Funny story – I’m in beijing right now and tried to order these molds to my hotel since they won’t ship to Israel, and the lady from the reception called the factory to ask for shipping details and they said that 40 molds will weigh around 240 kilos!! Haha
    Apperantly, this specific vender claims they only manufacture these molds in mass groups of 40, for industrial machines :)

    Any idea on how to get them to make a few single ones for me like they did for you? Or was it another vender maybe? Thanks for all of your help, anyway

    (btw – I know you have a knack for ordering online but I did find an awesome restaurant supply store in south beijing yesterday, if you’re interested)

  • Funny story – I’m in beijing right now and tried to order these molds to my hotel since they won’t ship to Israel, and the lady from the reception just called the factory to ask for shipping details and they said that 40 molds will weigh around 240 kilos!! Haha
    Apperantly, this specific vender claims they only manufacture these molds in mass groups of 40, for industrial machines :)

    Any idea on how to get them to make a few single ones for me like they did for you? Or was it another vender maybe? Thanks for all of your help, anyway!

    (btw – I know you have a knack for ordering online but I did find an awesome restaurant/hotel supply store in south beijing yesterday, if you’re interested)

  • I made these last night! They were delicious! I tweaked it a little with the brownie mix. They were in the freezer for a good 12 hours and they were very soft when I was trying to pull them out of the molds. Any suggestions to make them more firm and hold together? Does it have something to do with the milk & cream being mixed together? The popsicle sticks were sliding off easily.

    Thanks!

    • Erin, so sorry for the late reply!! Totally missed this comment for no reason. Anyhow, hm, I can’t imagine why the milk wouldn’t freeze hard… That’s almost against physics… How about trying to thicken the milk first with maybe 3 tbsp of flour (cook then cooled down)?

  • Mandy, thanks for getting back to me! Despite not being able to pull these out of the molds, I scrapped them out and put it in a container to save and it tastes phenomenal. I’ll have to try your suggestion and let you know if that does the trick. Thanks!!

  • I can’t seem to find where you add the hazelnut spread in this recipe. I’m assuming that it’s added once the chocolate and butter are melted, but just checking! Thanks!

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