street foods Tag

THE TYPHOON-SHELTER GARLIC SHRIMP

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“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TYPHOON SHELTER?”

I.  CAN’T.  STAND.  THIS.  ANYMORE!

What the hell’s going on?  Is… is there a forest fire nearby?  Nope, I don’t think so!  Has a meteor hit China and created tidal waves of dust clouds that’s taking forever to settle?  Nope, nope but I wish!  But then what the hell in this apocalyptic country is going on that I can’t see beyond five buildings for the past five six consecutive days?!  I mean seriously, I could duct tape myself naked to the window and I doubt my neighbours would have enough visibility to notice!  I could hang a freakin’ brisket outside my apartment and it’d be smoked up like hickory and death!  I’d laugh at these photos if I hadn’t realized I live here, too…

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Malaysia Feeding Frenzy

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I’m not gonna lie.

This ISN’T about the beaches. This ISN’T about the rain forests or the baby orangutans they wouldn’t let me hold. This ISN’T about those corn-looking twin towers either, or getting up from the bottom and looking down from the top – big whoops. Let’s also spare the traveller’s enlightenment cuz there ain’t any, and cut straight to the point. We came here to land from one plastic chair to another and feed ourselves to a mindless pulp. Don’t get me wrong, Malaysia is a beautiful place and get extra points for having great food. Although this was what we were here for mostly, we still had to do things like upgrading your insurance and get the right vaccinations for our trip. It was so worth it though, even if we didn’t spend all our time on the beach. Everyone’s happier when they eat anyway!

We came here to experience binge-fatigue and then push through it. We came here to stuff these mortal human-casings of ours to maximum capacity until we were absolutely sure that they were going to burst and THEN SOME. This is a senseless, stone-cold-killer guide to how to heartburn through KL and Penang without shame or remorse in super hawker style. Here ain’t about looking-good’n-feeling-chic. Just strap on that bottle of pepto and put on that stretchy pants. Now please follow our trail of gluttony. Let’s divide. And conquer.

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Salty Crispy Poppers

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Once upon a time in a land far far away, there lived a young girl.

Everyday after school, she took the same road home, wearing her same brown shoes, humming the same little song.  One afternoon just like the day before, she passed by the usual food stall on the way, but felt unusually hungry.  She realized that she forgot to eat lunch because she was probably too busy chasing boys during lunch break.  Remembering what her mother had always warned her about the forbidden street snack, she reached for the changes in her pocket and hesitated.  An old, wrinkly lady behind a huge wok of boiling grease smiled at her and said, “Hi there, little one.  Would you like to have some Salty-crispy chicken?  Oh they are awfully delicious.”

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