THE SAUCY MARRIAGE PUDDING
“VALENTINES, STEP ASIDE.
THIS IS PROFESSIONAL LOVE LIFE”
I was born a cynic.
I mean was that not obvious? Had I been able to remember I’d say with certainty that I came in this world, a genetically negative and unpleasant baby who cursed at the color pink if she could form words, who went on to earnestly suggest divorce with a LA divorce lawyer as an alternative lifestyle for her parents at age five. Perhaps the last ounce of my lacking fluffiness died with the moment when my best friend stuffed Raccoon was brutally trashed in a random afternoon while I was away citing ABC’s at pre-school, the last straw in leaving a cold, hardened human being walking this lonely planet believing that all loves are, ultimately, just temporary. So yes, I was born with, and still have now, a good faith in cynicism.
But somehow at the age of 27, I married my very first boyfriend. How did that happen?
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